Kai vs RYM metal charts: 1984

     Back again.  1984?  Let's do it. Also, a couple of fairly important EPs are released this year, so I decided to turn the ol' EP button back on.

1. Metallica- Ride The Lightning

    No waiting here, and for relatively good reason. I need to note that this is isn't just rated #1 for the metal chart, this is #1 for the whole year.  As in, Ride The Lightning is #1, Cocteau Twins Treasure is #2, two symphony orchestra performance albums of the music of Dvorak and Beethoven are #4 & #5.  There's only 2* other years where a bonafide heavy metal album is #1 of the year, 1970 and 1995.   Only 1970 is correct of any of these by the way, and that includes this one.  1990 was another one for a while (yes, it's the album you're thinking of), but again, fucking Kendrick hipsters.    

    But ok yes, this is a great album, and deserving to be #1 for the year, #3 at the absolute lowest.  But it does need to be said that also like Kill em All,  Ride The Lightning's ubiquity really only stems from Metallica's later mainstream successes.  It does feel like the proper final destination for anyone getting into Metallica for the first time.  I wasn't around when this album came out, so I can't provide any expertise for how this changed metal, if it did at all.  What I can say is a) stumbling into this album on a music journey whilst experiencing Jet Force Gemini on my gaming journey at the same time was one of the greatest peanut butter and chocolate marriages one could possibly experience, b) this album and Metallica themselves did in fact dramatically change how I looked at metal and music.  Of course that philosophy ended up being completely toothless as Metallica would betray every one of those critical-eye principles for money, some men are just weak.

    Part of me wants to erase this album from history just because Metallica is like Star Wars where the bad far out weighs the good at this point.  And betrayals aside, no this album is not perfect:  There's a bunch of fade-outs (fade-outs are super lame radio pandering), you can barely hear Lars's kick-drums, and if you can believe it, I'm more sick of For Whom The Bell Tolls than I am of Enter Sandman (not Nothing Else Matters though), and I'm starting to find Call Of Ktulu tedious.  But still, there are plenty of positives with this album.  For one thing it's greatest contribution being the greatest guitar tone in metal history (just about everyone tried to copy this tone).  I can justify kicking Master Of Puppets off a top 10 of 1986, but not this.  

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: Yes

2. Iron Maiden- Powerslave

    You'll notice I didn't mention what #3 was when I was listing the top 5 RYM albums for 1984.  That's cos it was this.  Me personally, I'd have ranked it #1)Powerslave, #2) Treasure, then Ride The Lightning at #3.

    Lack of Ride The Lightning guitar tone aside, this album is flawless.  Absolutely flawless.  The songs, the performances, the lyrics, if you don't like this album, you don't get metal.  Period.  I don't care what advanced doctorate musical courses you've taken, not liking Powerslave means you don't get heavy metal.  If you put a gun to my head and made me nitpick, I suppose I could say "The Duelists" goes on for a little too long, but other than that, this is metal perfection.  

Should this be on a top 10: Damn right

Would this be on my top 10: Damn right

3. Judas Priest- Defenders of the Faith

    .....huh. I don't know why but I wasn't expecting this to be so high.  I mean the internet's favorite Judas Priest album is Painkiller, and this is seemingly the closest thing to it sonically (it could be argued predecessor Ram It Down is the second closest, but that one lacks in quality, and a drummer). Nonetheless, Defenders Of the Faith fuckin' rules, and was the first studio release I purchased after the amazing compilation Metal-Works 73-93, Unleashed In The East, and Priest...Live (someone told me to buy greatest hits albums and live albums to first check out a band. The latter, sure, the former, nah, even without the benefit of streaming).  I'm fairly certain "Jawbreaker" and "The Sentinel" were my two favorite Priest songs for a short time.  I did always have a bit of a bone to pick with "Eat Me Alive," not just because of the rapey lyrics (still not as bad as Manowar), but because it always came across like a hardcore band taking the piss.  Reappraising the album last year, it's fine, but I always forget that it's on here.  

    Defenders is another 80s Priest classic. There's no direct hit like "Breaking The Law" or "You've Got Another Thing Coming," but it is as heavy as they'd get without the double bass fury of Scott Travis.

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: at about 5 or 6.

4. Mercyful Fate- Don't Break The Oath

    Given the internet metal community's love for Mercyful Fate and their near ambivalence to 80's Judas Priest, I am rather surprised this is below Defenders.  Frankly, this album is superior to the latter in terms of songwriting, soloing, controversy, and even vocals. Yeah, King Diamond has been giving Rob and Bruce a run for their money since 1982.  Matter of fact, I'm gonna go ahead and say this is the best album King Diamond ever sang vocals on.  I love Judas Priest but in the 80s they had a commercial formula and were sticking to it, while Don't Break The Oath, while maintaining a rock & roll song structure (verse/chorus etc) was way more imaginative.  Hell, the songwriting comes very close to Iron Maiden's level. Just listen to the title track, which, on top of likely still being able to scare the shit out of young kids, is just 7 minutes of power-prog metal insanity just drenched in blasphemy.  Absolutely S-tier satanic power metal.  If you don't like this, YOU ARE INSA-ANE YOU ARE INSA-ANE YOU ARE INSA-ANE YOU ARE INSA-ANE AND YOU'RE ONLY LIVING ON BORROWED TIME, FROM YOUR FATE.

Should this be on a top 10: Damn right

Would this be on my top 10: Damn right

5. Slayer- Haunting The Chapel EP

    A serious contender for the greatest EP ever released. Forgotten metal-archives reviewer Ultraboris declared this EP "where thrash metal really got its act together" and he ain't wrong.  This belongs here for Chemical Warfare alone.  You want a song that pushed forward thrash and what you youngsters now know as "the breakdown?" You listen to Chemical Warfare.  The other three aren't bad of course, and I think it's safe to say "Aggressive Perfector" the very first Slayer recording is on here.  Granted an 86 version of that also ended up on a bonus track on the widely available version of Reign In Blood, but.....fuck that version there's no need for anything to be there after Raining Blood.

Should this be on a top 10: Sure

Would this be on my top 10: No

6. Metal Church- Metal Church

    I also was not expecting to see this so high either.  You need to understand, 1984 was when so called "extreme metal" was really beginning to take shape.  We already see thrash metal in a larvae stage, likewise the first wave of black metal.  So the fact that an album and band which were too thrashy for the Motley Crue crowd, but not thrashy enough for the Slayer crowd, gets a higher approval rating above Apocalyptic Raids, Bathory, Morbid Tales and Gates To Purgatory to name a few, is impressive.  You actually might even still be able to find this in FYEs (it's where I got mine from).  Still, I can't say this quite makes it for me, as there are albums with better innovations and more consistent songwriting.  I will say this, if you've never heard the self-titled song before, prepare to experience your new favorite song for at least a month. It's fucking fantastic!  Even people who hate speed and love groove will love that song.  Pantera wish they wrote that song (at either point in their career).

Should this be on a top 10: Eh, 10 at best.

Would this be on my top 10: No.

7. Celtic Frost- Morbid Tales

    If someone makes a list of the top metal albums from 1984 and doesn't put either Powerslave or Ride The Lighning at the top spot, Morbid Tales is the only other acceptable answer.  Early Celtic Frost is essential extreme metal.  Very few albums can claim to influence thrash, black and death all at once, and yet also be hailed as all three sub-genres at once.  This thing is so ahead of its time. It sounds like Tom G. Warrior stole Tony Iommi's Born Again riff tape and just put Venom vocals on top of it, because just about every riff on this thing is S-tier. But Morbid Tales greatest accomplishment is managing to pull all of this off in standard tuning. Yes, you read that right, everything here is E standard.  Which is proof that a) lower tunings have made things not heavier, but lazier, and b) you can make anything dark and evil as long as you are truly creative.  And yes, Warrior's solos are terrible, but it doesn't matter because ONLY SOLOS (and death) ARE REAL!

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: Yes

8. Dio- The Last In Line

    Or "Holy Diver II: the film sequel that does not expand the universe or story, ala Empire Strikes Back or The Dark Knight, but is still a well executed retread of the original (a certain album with crosses on the cover also fits this description)."  Well, mostly, I don't think I'll get too much flak for saying "Mystery" sucks.  Do you like classic heavy metal?  You'll like this.  Ronnie has found his groove and will run it into the ground continue to enchant listeners with legends of Egypt, princesses, breaking the speed limit and all the other things that made the 80s rule.  Buuuuuut like Metal Church, it feels like a bit of an afterthought.  IMO there were more important boundary pushing albums and there were classic heavy metal albums with stronger consistency.

Should this be on a top 10: Sure

Would this be on my top 10: No

9. Trouble- Trouble (aka Psalm 9)

    This is an interesting pick.  For me, Trouble have become a bit of an in-one-ear-out-the-other band: always a fun listen, but when the record is done playing and you ask me to sing how one of their songs go, I draw a blank.  Still, I'm gonna give this record a pass for two reasons: 1) This is where the doom metal sub-genre truly begins.  Before this point only Black Sabbath (with Ozzy mind you) sounded like this.  Some may cry Witchfinder General but that's just a doom marinated UKPM album.  Even though Black Sabbath was claimed as an influence on metal (and rightfully so), most of the bands from then to now sounded way more like Purple and Zeppelin than Sabbath.  You could call this a Sabbath clone, but isn't every metal band a Sabbath clone?  2) Trouble is what it would sound like if Axl Rose sang for Black Sabbath. Eric Wagner had Axl's sound a good 3 years before he hit this scene.  Remember that the next time you listen to "My World."

Should this be on a top 10: Sure

Would this be on my top 10: No

10. Black Flag- My War

    Wait, what?  That can't be right. *checks again sweating.*  Huh.  Well this is awkward.  Wait, how the hell do AC/DC and Rush get gatekept from previous lists for "being hard rock" but My War -a hardcore punk record by a hardcore punk band- beats Bathory, Hail To England, Ample Destruction and even fucking 1984? Yeah I said it, the album with Jump, I'll Wait, and Panama deserves to be on a top 10 metal of 1984 list way more than this does!     

    Well, Ok, I can kinda make sense of this one. First off, I've never actually heard this album, I've only heard two "fast" Black Flag songs.  They're fine, but they were always a back burner to me.  So hardcore had generally one rule: play fast or GTFO.  Well, according to legend, on the second half of this album, they sloooow down.  Like, near funeral doom slow.  Hell, the metal subgenre this is tagged with on RYM is "sludge metal."  Given the doom/stoner mindset always seemed more punk than prog, it makes sense that this would be influential on the American metal underground.  This album is infamous for splitting the fanbase in half.  Matter of fact, the infamous youtube video where Black Flag and a young kid (with a rat tail) attempt to verbally murder each other was filmed on the tour of My War (Henry mentions it's their current album).  Punks and metalheads were mortal enemies in the late 70s and early 80s (see also the Zebra-shirt guy from Heavy Metal Parking Lot).  A punk calling a punk band going "heavy metal," thems was fightin words.

    The argument for this album would probably be something along the lines of bridging the punk and metal scenes together and birthing not only sludge metal, but crossover thrash (even though Crossover Thrash's rule is "NO, FOR REAL, PLAY FAST OR GTFO).  Ok, fair enough, but again, above Bathory? Above Bathory?

Should this be on a top 10: Yes, but not above Bathory.

Would this be on my top 10: No.

    Closing thoughts: Well, that does it for '84.  If you didn't want to count EP's, the "real #10" was Jag Panzer's Ample Destruction.  Another album I've been trying to find for half my fucking life to no avail.  This is why heavy metal needs to be mainstream people.  Finding this shit should be as easy as finding a controller in Best Buy.  Gotta say I'm really surprised at how much this list leans into heavy/classic metal given the underground cornerstones that show up this year, but at least there's no stupidly obscure European albums that are only there because they didn't get review bombed enough by the hipsters.  I think I've hammered home what I thought was objectively missing, but overall, this is the most acceptable list yet.  Join me next week-ish for 1985!

BATHORY- BATHORY

CELTIC FROST- MORBID TALES

IRON MAIDEN- POWERSLAVE

JUDAS PRIEST- DEFENDERS OF THE FAITH

MANOWAR- HAIL TO ENGLAND

MERCYFUL FATE- DON’T BREAK THE OATH

METALLICA- RIDE THE LIGHTNING

RUNNING WILD- GATES TO PURGATORY

VAN HALEN- 1984

WASP- WASP

*I mistakenly thought 1986 was a year where a metal album was ranked at the top, but I knew in the back of my mind it was a Smiths album at #1.  Frankly (Mr. Shankly) the Smiths album is better.

Seriously, above fucking Bathory?