Kai vs. RYM metal charts 2001

   

    I hate 2001. 2001 = shit.  It won't see things my way.  In the End that goofy fruitcake killed himself.  Once again the world is deprived of Gamma Ray in Hawaiian shirts laying waste to Cancun (which easily would have been 70% hispanics and 30% spoiled white kids) on national television.  Let's go holy diving...



1. System of a Down- Toxicity

    Well, at least #1 isn't not Blackwater Park.  I was never a super fan, but if I have to listen to anything from that accursed period, it will probably be Toxicity.  Kinda sucks that the one guitar solo on here is on the weakest song on here.  On top of that, it goes on for a little too long!  Why not have a bunch of smaller guitar solos in the hits?  I also feel like "Aerials" could have been written by Nickelback or Creed and people would shit all over it.

Should this be on a top 10: Oh....sure

Would this be on my top 10: No



2. Tool- Lateralus

    Holy shit Lateralus outscores Blackwater Park too?  Thank you based Tool fans, thank you.  Well, as I said in my "These 20 albums are 10s" article, this is a) peak Tool, in terms of both songwriting and musicianship, b) the best post Rush-prog metal record, and c) what 21st century Iron Maiden should sound like with Steve Harris' brain-damaged flights of fancy.  And Adam's solos...lord help me.

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: Yes



3. Converge- Jane Doe

    Converge was always "meh" to me.  More listenable 00's metal than Deftones and Linkin Park?  Yes.  Will I reach for it over The Antichrist or No World Order?  No.

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: No



4. Opeth- Blackwater Park

    I don't get it.  I just don't fucking get it.  I just don't fucking get Opeth.  Especially this album.  It's the same waltz time tempo over across 10 songs. 1-2-3 1-2-3  That's the whole goddamn thing! Leper Affinity, 1-2-3 1-2-3. Bleak, 1-2-3 1-2-3. Harvest 1-2-3 1-2-3 except its acoustic this time so that means nuance and complexity eat my ass! The Drapery Falls 1-2-3 1-2-3 I wish a drapery fell on Opeth's head like it did Bret Michaels at the Tony Awards 50 years ago. Dirge For November 1-2-3 1-2-3. The Funeral Portrait 1-2-3 1-2-3. Patterns in the Ivy 1-2-3 1-2-3, and the shit cherry on the titty sundae, Blackwater Park 1-2-3 1-2-3 except HOLY SHIT ITS 12 MINUTES U GAIS ITS PEAK PROG HOLY FUCK IMCUMMING BLOOD LIKE CANNIBAL CORPSE AND CUMMING MUD LIKE PRIMUS.

Fuck.  Blackwater.  Park. 

Should this be on a top 10: OH HELL NOAOAOAOAOAOHHHOHHHH

Would this be on my top 10: OH HELL NOAOAOAOAOAOHHHOHHHH



5. Pig Destroyer- Prowler in the Yard

    More post None So Vile death-grind all sounds the same to me, but you think they named themselves that after all the fat chicks they smash?

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: No



6. Crowbar- Sonic Excess In It's Purest Form

Same deal as Odd Fellows Rest, really.

Should this be on a top 10: Sure

Would this be on my top 10: No




7. Maudlin of the Well- Leaving Your Body Map

...who?

Should this be on a top 10: who?

Would this be on my top 10: who?




8. Paysage d'Hiver- Winterkaelte

    That name sounds like Confucius had a stroke.  I imagine it sounds like it too.  Pass the M-16.

Should this be on a top 10: No

Would this be on my top 10: No



9. Maudlin of the Well- Bath

    Two of these fuckin things?  To quote the great James Rolfe, "are you shitting me up the ass?"  Here I thought bands didn't make two albums a year anymore like they did in the 70s.  Oy vey.

Should this be on a top 10: No

Would this be on my top 10: No



10. Neurosis- A Sun That Never Sets

    These lists have been so retarded I forgot Neurosis put out an album in 2001.  Hell I'm surprised it's all the way down here!  According to the sub-genre categories, A Sun That Never Sets has got neo-folk elements in it, and the album's ending is so chaotic it will throw you for a loop.

Should this be on a top 10: Yes

Would this be on my top 10: Yes



Closing thoughts: Why did I subject myself to this?  I knew this would suck and even my low-expectations got sunken to a sickle-cell anemia victim's white cell count.  The next year will be the last one in consecutive order.  Then I might jump ahead to 2023 or 2024, but now that I think about it, that will probably just be more trash.


My unordered top 10:

DESTRUCTION- THE ANTICHRIST

EDGUY- MANDRAKE

GAMMA RAY- NO WORLD ORDER

GRAVE DIGGER- THE GRAVE DIGGER

ICED EARTH- HORROR SHOW

NEUROSIS- A SUN THAT NEVER SETS

OZZY OSBOURNE- DOWN TO EARTH

SODOM- M-16

TOOL- LATERALUS

WINDR- 1184


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